I confess

I Confess that

I have given my dog milk mixed with whisky

I have tried reaching my nipples with the tongue
I have buried an egg to see if it grows
I hid my sister’s notebook under her bed
I have peeped into my bosses salary slip
I have looked at my best friend’s ass and imagined my pen’s cap in it
I have thrown my kitten up in the air to see if it lands in 4 feet
I bicycle through the road in front of the house of my secret crush to see her unders

I have shagged in front of a mirror

I have dug a hole in the tree to help the new branches pops out fast

I have injected a dead chicken with water

I have burried a coin to make more money
I have worn my undies the otherway round to my college

Busy man.........

Too much time and too little things to do..yeah this might make some of your eyes roll..in this this era where multi tasking has crept into even our daily bathroom chores.. i clear my throat and say again... too much time and too little things to do...

Well if not for others..my current state of affairs is somewhat like this...this is how my weekends pass by..after around 14 rs of sleep i woke up at 1pm yesterday...ate..slept for around 3hrs more..ate..back to a 14hrs sleep...yeah the mathematics isnt accurate here..but i dont deny..watched TV at times.. but thats it...no more additions..these 3 things only...then it became today..cant actually say it as today..its yesterday in a different name.....

Now when i take an intervel..after my food and before my sleep..i lay back and take a list of "to do things"..nothing...absolutely nothing.wow god has created some people like this also..awesome..Now you will be thinking how my weekdays will be...well that goes like this...

I reach office by 9.have breakfast till 9.15...reach my desk... read the daily headlines...if there are interesting stuffs like a celeberaty caught with hidden cam or a politician involced in a rape case...or my fav team won the match..then i will read it..else will browse for the second online newspaper...after this being repeated for almost 5 newspapers...and after i am convinced to the core that i am an update man today..i will move on ..to read the reviews of friday releases...the amount of time taken for this is directly proportionate to the amount of movies released that friday..and inversely proportionate to the length of the scirt of my colleage who sits right beside me.....after this i check the emails...if there is no much action items for me for the day..i move to checking my official mails..(please note that the former was my personal emails)..by now it would be lunch time...with a happy face i rise from my chair..with the gestures of a tired man...i slowly push my body to my cafeteria...hog...come back to my chair...take some rest..thn i will work for an hour or so...after that a tea brake..by that time i will be tired..i go work again for 30 mins...and then i will leave.....

5 days like this..and here comes saturday and saturday.....

My big potato.....

Recently my friend in his blog described me like an evolutionary chart of a potato..a small potato followed by a big potato...i immediately ran to the mirror in my next room..oh god..that journey appeared to be never ending...after i reached in front of the mirror ...i took off my T shirt in the nick of time.. (it reminded me of the typical English movie sex scenes,where the lady sprang forth on the man and rips open his shirt, and both breathless)...i was also breathless..but only after seeing my pot belly hanging like a ripe coconut which is about to fall from its tree..no not coconut..i would call it a jack fruit..i wondered how on earth can one part of the human body blow up so unproportionately when compared to the other organs...and that too without the permission of its owner....i slowly started breathing again... dude...wake up..decide now...if i go like this i will not fit into one photo frame...the girlies will not have the time to reach my face after covering my big potty..my colleagues will start seeing a big belly walking down the street ..and behind it will be my humble body clinging on to it....

it was the decision time.. no more junk food..light breakfast..oil and ghee was shown the exit way from my edible list..moreover oil prices are soaring.... absolutely no-no to rice and yes-yes to fruits.. exercise..gym..swim..hop..skip..jump..what ever it takes to get that thing back to its position...

next morning..woke up at 5..went to the nearby gym..came back home with aches..but the determination held on..i should teach my belly a lesson.. i wanted to make it into a six pack from the current family pack state...

days passed one by one..my decisions also started passing by one by one..snubbing me...from 5 am my wake up time stretched to 7.30 am..gym became just another building that existed in the neighbourhood...i dint want to peep into others' building...oil and ghee re-entered into my edible food list..skip-hop-jump-swim gave way to cuddle,stubborn sleeps...fruits stayed back in the markets..i refused to carry them home..junk food again became the best gift of god....

but one decision lingered..its still hanging in the hook of my mind...any time it would fall down..but as of now, its holding on tightly..and that is no rice at night...i was proud..so was my belly..it looked up every time and said to me..loser u failed again..and i am still growing..

today after coming back from my office...i stopped in front of my usual dinner place..fortunately or unfortunately i saw the waiter serving hot spicy chicken biriyani at the nearby table..it was properly garnished...and mouth watering.. no ..no dude..no..no rice...i was adamant..but still my eyes were on that plate..and my mind trying to control my instantaneous hormonal imbalance and enzyme reactions.... the waiter walked up to me.. in an stiff voice i asked him for the day's special... he politely replied.."Spicy hyderabadi dum biriyani", .......rest is history................it has fallen from its hook...

Markets...markets...markets.............

Gone are those good 'ol days when my mom wakes me up early in the morning during my vacations and forced me to go to the fishmarket right across the river with my dad to buy some fresh fish. I still remember it with a 70mm smile , me walking through the middle of the road half asleep and the other half refusing to wake up..with one hand rubbing my eyes and the other hand holding my barmuda's elastic tightly so that it will not fall off and make my french fries visible to the rest of the morning crowd who would have woken up early to get a warm sunshine and a good view of the morning spectrum.. it would be more embarrising for them to have seen it than me who would have still carried on without even knowing that one the basic necessities of the human species have just fallen down from his waist... i still cherish those moments when the big truck drivers honk arrogantly from behing my back and i look back and see that the headlight of that mighty truck milli meters away from my tiny little butt..and that half drunk ,half sleepy but fully muscular truck driver singing songs at me early in the morning from his seat and his middle finger dancing to the tune..i would give an innocent smile at that fellow...abusing him to the core in my sub conscious mind..as my conscious mind is always afraid of the muscular drivers.. then and now... :-)

This is the part of my nostalgia when i hear about the word markets...until 3 months back.. there are lot of markets..some are regular markets,some are seasonal,some are early morning markets and others late night ones..but there is one that opens on time and closes on time..functions only on weekdays just like IT industry guys.. this market makes the rich poorer,,,and the poor ...poorest..its called the Stock Market.. i was poor till 3 months back.but now i am poorer by 20k..i went short on a stock which went up nearly by 10% in 2 days..this is what my stock broker say to me everytime i ask him why i lost money... i am yet to figure out which language he is speaking................

Now you will understand why when i think about my childhood markets i am so happy...at least the only thing i bad that time was losing my early morning sleep and hearing some early morning rhymes.but i would get some good fish currey for dinner.. but now..i lost my money..i dont know who got it...how i lost it... the only similarity now and then was ...in both periods..i lost my sleep.....

They said.....

Some of the quotes from some greats and not so greats would have inspired us, left us thinking ... here are those ones which have made me miss my breath several times......For some this might seem stupid, for others it might seem worth reading... carry on..

• Unselfishness is something that exists only in the dictionary, with the exception of a mother.


• The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment


• To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness."


• The English country gentleman galloping after a fox - The unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable."


• The length of the movie shud be directly proportional to the endurance of the bladder...


• God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.


• REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL


• Character may be manifested in the great moments, but it is made in the small ones."


• "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride"


• "In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
  - Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968)


• “The basic economic resource - the means of production - is no longer capital, nor natural resources, nor labor. It is and will be knowledge." - Peter Drucker.


• Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away,"


• Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement. "Mark Twain


• If you hate a person,you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isnt part of ourselves doesnt distur us.... Herman Hesse


• Though we may be learned by another's knowledge, we can never be wise but by our own experience." - Montaigne.


• Chance favors the prepared mind-louis pascal.


• God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one.
  So when we finally meet the right people,
  We should know how to be grateful to them.


• The aim of education is the knowledge not of fact, but of values." -Dean William R. Inge


• The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory." Paul Fix (1901 ~ 1983


• Some persons do first, think afterward, and then repent forever." Thomas Secker (1693 ~ 1768, former Archbishop of Canterbury


• "A little knowledge that acts is worth infinitely more than much knowledge that is idle." Kahlil Gibran.


• Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another
  Madonna


• You might as well fall flat on your face as lean over too far backward-Jame Thurber


• There are two kinds of light - the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures - James Thurber
  “There is nothing noble in being superior to some other person. The true nobility is in being superior to your previous self.”


• Defeat is not when you fall down,It's when you refuse to get


• "I was brought up to believe that the only thing worth doing was to add to the sum of accurate information in the world." - Margaret Mead.


• "As our circle of knowledge expands, so does the circumference of darkness surrounding it." - Albert Einstein.


• Everyone has a "best friend" during each stage of life - only a precious few have the same one


• Something we were withholding made us weakUntil we found it was ourselves. -Robert Frost


• Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. Steve Jobs


• It's not what we eat but what we digest that makes us strong; not what we gain but what we save that makes us rich; not what we read but what we remember that makes us learned; and not what we profess but what we practice that gives us integrity. Francis Bacon, Sr.


• The heart is happiest when it beats for others


• He who laughs last didn't get the joke.


• Only those who attempt the absurd can acheive the impossible.


• "A bride at her second wedding does not wear a veil. She wants to see what she is getting." - Helen Rowland


• I live in my own little world.But it's OK... They know meHere!


• Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."


• Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground


• You are old, when you fall down; you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.


• It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped -Anthony Robbins


• Only enemies speak the truth; friends and lovers lie endlessly, caught in the web of duty.- Stephen King


• Look into any man's heart you please, and you will always find, in every one, at least one black spot which he has to keep concealed.- Henrik Ibsen


• A thing long expected takes the form of the unexpected when at last it comes.- Mark Twain


• A Father is a man with pictures in his wallet, where he used to keep his money when he was single.


• It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.


• Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves

Why why why cant we...?

GOA a state in India, so small that if any 6 footer spreads his/her legs, they could easily cover both the ends of the state..... that small a state which is covered with the blue water anywhere and everywhere and also with the white water, brown water , the red water (the colour depends on your brand)... but the purpose of this blog is neither to detail the beauty of the place nor to describe the trip that i had made a couple of weeks back with my friends to this place... but rather to share a different thought that passed my mind in all the days i was there ...

The thought struck me for the first time, when i was all alone in the beach at 2AM with a beer in one hand and a stone in the other hand, basically to throw at the dogs that came sniffing thinking that i am a junk piece of flesh gazing at the endless ocean half asleep and half drunk in the depth of the night. That night, in my semi sleepy n partly sober self, i noticed a group of men, in their mid 30's, same as my mood ..half drunk screaming at the top of their voice about life and how to enjoy them,,,, n how they enjoy it that time and how they plan to enjoy for the rest of the time they were there in that place. They were singing loudly, some were howling, they were the sloshed ones, my active sober self told me that, the others were laughing out loud for the silliest of the jokes that their friends cracked..
The thought crossed my mind "What causes the humans to be so free and so happy when they are in a vacation".. yes yes i know there are a lot of reasons for this question like, they are free to do what they want and how they want it... or perhaps they know that they have come here to enjoy and have fun..etc etc.. but when my partly drunk mind asked the same question to my party sober mind, i got the answer...it is because before start their vacation, they themselves convince their mind that they are going to enjoy, they are going to have a blast of a lifetime and that there is no place for worries and tensions during this period... yes a decision every human would have made either knowingly or unknowingly before they even start deciding about their vacation....

So then if this is the case, my partly drunk mind was curious, why cant every human make this decision at the start of every day...convince your mind that today its the start of a vacation n there is no place for worries n tensions....but by that time i had finished the beer...n my partly sober had undergone a significant change... it did not answer...

A trip to heaven.....

I plan to visit heaven once in a year from now on.. being my first visit this time, i should not screw it up...i have jotted down some of the things i should carry while i travel...

Good clothes is a must... St.Peter should not shove me off at the first sight. First impression is always the best impression..rmbr i am visiting every year...

Tooth brush n other toiletories... I have heared hygiene plays an important role in heaven..

Money.. Just in case, as i know the banks of earth do not have their telemarketing access to the heaven above, firstly they dont have a target customers there and secondly they dont know the ISD code....n hence i wouldnt find an ATM or a swiping machine there....

Wish list... By any chance if i get to see a glance of my God, i cant fumble for words or recollect my wishes...so i would just hand him over the list.. therby avoiding wastage of his time...

Offerings... yeah thats something i should be careful of,.. should not carry any perishables as by the time i reach there.... they would have perished...

My ipod (with fully charged)..I havent talked yet to the people who have gone there,,, there are hardly in my neighbourhood.... so i dont know the distance.... hence carrying one...

but more importantly i wish to carry myself..my true self..without any pretending or masks... i should carry my ego, i should carry my sins,, my sorrows,, my pride n my jealousy...my greed and my deeds,,,, for i know that once i see the heaven... all these which i carry melts away n would never bother me again....

I wonder if humans could actually do this....imagine then..the world would be a better place to live in....n what about the heaven... it would be a garbage with all the sins of the world deposited there... more n more everyday...tonnes and tonnes every second.....